


College

by Qpenguin98



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Other, Sadstuck, college hooray, college visit, haha - Freeform, top notch reactions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-01
Updated: 2015-10-01
Packaged: 2018-04-24 05:49:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4907779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qpenguin98/pseuds/Qpenguin98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Welcome to senior year, where counselors pummel you with college options and colleges show you their sky high tuition rates</p>
            </blockquote>





	College

Your stomach's been twisting all night. Your stomach’s been twisting all morning. Now you’re on the bus and oh fuck it’s real.

You don’t want to do the college visit.

You’d rather shoot yourself.

You didn’t even sign yourself up, your counselor did it for you. You didn’t want to visit any colleges. You’re pretty sure you’re not going to be able to go anyway. But your counselor believes that “everyone has a shot” and “don’t worry about financial issues, those things will fix themselves.”

It’s bullshit.

Everyone knows it.

You don’t know what you want to do with your life.

This is the best fucking bus you’ve ever been in in your entire life.

Someone suggests playing the LEGO movie and you shove your headphones on so hard your ears hurt.

You have three hours of driving to do before you get to the campus, and then it’s four hours of tours and admission shit.

You settle in for sleeping in hopes it’ll calm your nerves.

It doesn’t.

Someone shakes your leg to wake you up and you feel like you’re going to vomit. You pull out your phone and blindly follow an administrator to a room where the group will wait for an admissions counselor.

“Welcome to Southwestern! How’s everyone doing today?”

A collectively mumbled “Good” comes out of everyone’s mouth. The guy smiles and goes on talking about school history and why it’s the right school for you, engaging minds, transforming minds, and you kind of stop listening once he says that they’re relatively affordable for a private college.

Nowhere is affordable.

You go on a tour, and the campus looks nice. It looks really nice.

They haven’t given you yearly costs yet.

They take you through the music wing and your heart stops beating. It’s so nice. It’s so fucking nice. Soundproof rooms and fancy ass instruments.

The art wing is even better.

You think you’re gonna die.

You want to go to college.

You want to do shit professionally.

They take you to lunch.

It’s free and it’s so much better than anything at your school.

All the students in the cafeteria seem happy. They don’t seem stressed about finances or majors or what they’ll do once the money runs out.

You think

You think you might be able to do that.

Your stomach’s stopped spinning and you can just sit and eat and joke around with the other seniors.

You feel good. Happy.

Maybe you can get some scholarships, or grants. Maybe Bro will help out a little bit with costs-

“The average cost for our students a year is $50,890.”

You’re back in the room. Your pen drops from your fingers, but no one notices the deafening clack it makes on the table.

“That is, of course, without any scholarships or grants. Most of our students do receive some form of financial aid. Whether it be from scholarships or grants, they have some help.”

Your fingers are shaking. Your mouth’s gone dry and your stomach’s convulsing. You sit there, silent, hoping to fucking god they have some stupid full ride scholarship for low income, average GPA kids.

They never do.

You wonder if it would be rude to just get up while this guy’s talking and go vomit your guts out until you die in the bathroom.

Probably intensely rude.

“So what does the school have in terms of clubs?”

“What kind of Greek programs do you have going on?”

“How does the school handle credit transfers?”

“Can I choose my roommate?”

“What ACT score do we need to be admitted?”

They all sound so normal and unperturbed by the 50 grand bomb that was just dropped on them.

The guy acts like he doesn’t have to sort through hundreds of admission forms every day.

They all sound rich and well off and like their parents will pay for all their party fuck ups and tuition fees and if they don’t like it mommy and daddy will just pay for another four years at another college with an even higher yearly cost.

Why did your counselor send you here. You cannot afford fifty thousand. Your Bro cannot afford fifty thousand.

You’re kind of not breathing and the kid next to you nudges your arm and you gasp in a shaky breath. The room turns to look at you for a second before turning back to the admissions counselor.

He talks for so long about how affordable college can really be. Your dreams can come true in college, he says. You find yourself in college. You find what you want to do in college.

Well you’re inside of a college and you want to throw yourself off a bridge so that’s some self-discovery right there.

Finally, finally, you leave. You walk stiffly back to the bus.

For the ride back they choose Frozen and you almost start crying. Instead you shove your headphones back on your ears and turn up the music loud enough to block out stupid financially stable seniors singing Let it Go.

The world is your canvas, they say. Paint your masterpiece.

There’s no way you’re getting into this college.

Or any college.

Your income’s too fucking low and your GPA is just at the standard but your ACT score is too fucking low.

You’ll get no money for a 26 on that test. You’ll get no money for a 3.4 GPA.

You’ll get no money for having no money because you’re too fucking stupid to qualify.

You don’t fall asleep on the way back. Halfway through the movie, the bus gets quiet, everyone either asleep or on their way.

You turn down your music and change it to something a little more mellow. Instrumental rather than lyrical.

You sound like a pretentious douchebag.

You don’t get to be the pretentious college douchebag.

You get to be forever McDonalds employee douchebag.

You’re actually crying, but you’re doing a really good job of staying completely silent. Ducking your head down, you press your face into your jeans.

The bus gets back too quickly, and then it’s over.

You’re back with thirty minutes left before the bell.

You spend the time on the restricted fourth floor, crying at the base of the steps to the roof. 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I went on a college visit  
> The campus was great  
> The atmosphere was great  
> The price made me sick


End file.
